“There is no normal life. There’s just life.”

“When you are simply observing your breath, you are perceiving an automatically unfolding process in your body. By contrast, when you are observing your mind wandering, you are also experiencing the spontaneous activity in your body. “

During the winter season as a child I loved the snow! It would fill my heart with excitement, I couldn’t wait to go outside and play in the white powder. I would get all bundled up, 2-3 pairs of socks, thermals, multiple pairs of pants, gloves and a hat, and head out to the vast unknown and play for hours. I’m sure our parents were filled with glee at getting some peace and quiet with the four of us outside. 

I’d make snow forts and igloos with an arsenal of extra snowballs to throw at some unsuspecting neighbor or person. I would make snow ice cream or build a snowman and eat icicles, which I would definitely NOT recommend.  What I liked doing more than anything else would be to sit down and watch the air as I exhaled. I could sit and do that for hours, thoroughly amazed and content. Something so easy could preoccupy my thoughts for hours. I wish it were that easy now. 

As I’m writing, I find my mind preoccupied. It’s laser focused on Friday, this Friday to be exact. Rodneys PET scan after his transplant. I’m trying not to get hyped up on it, but ever since he was diagnosed with cancer, the weeks and days leading up to a doctors appointment seems to always make me uneasy. At this point I believe I’m suffering from PTSD, and Rodney too. 

There’s no way that these circumstances can’t affect you. It’s impossible. Sometimes I tell Rodney, “I just want a normal life.” And you know what Roda, aka Yoda, aka Rodney tells me?  “There is no normal life, there’s just life.” This is one of his favorite sayings he quotes from Doc Holiday. But uggh.. nothing else to say. 

As I sit and ponder the quote that is my title, it seems to be spot on with Roda’s comment. 
(I have a lot of nicknames for Rodney as you can tell.) Most of them I get an eye roll on but sometimes he’s agreeable to them. 🙄😬

So, as I sit here I’m telling myself NOT to get worked up, we will cross that bridge when we get to it. I think I’m getting more philosophical in my old age. Yes, it is just life. Control what you can and what you can’t control let go of it. I’m trying to let go! (I may need someone to just yank me away from it at this point, this would be my “unfolding process in my body.”)